The Gift of the Mad Guy

I was listening to the radio on my way to work today.  The moderators were engaging in the typical fiddle faddle conversation that people in that profession do.  During the course of their conversation, the man mentioned that today is the woman’s birthday, and wished her a happy birthday.

Then he asked her a question and her answer kind of made me angry.

——————————————

The man (Bob) asked the woman (Jill) if her husband had ever given her a birthday present that she didn’t like.

Jill answered truthfully, “Oh, yes.”

Bob asked her to explain and she started, “I asked him a few days ago if he had already bought my birthday present.”

Bob seemed surprised, “So it was THIS year?”

“Oh yes.  Jill answered, “He said he had actually already bought me TWO presents.

“Of course, I was anxious to find out what they were so I asked him to let me go ahead and open one.  He argued that it wasn’t my birthday yet, but I begged a little, and told him that I could still be surprised on my birthday by the other present.”

Bob was chuckling.

Jill ignored him and went on, “When I opened the present, it was, well…it was a bag of coffee!”

Bob seemed a little confused, “What’s wrong with that?  Was it a gourmet coffee or…?”

Jill interrupted, “No, it was good coffee, ‘Newman’s Own’ but nothing expensive or fancy.”

“OK,” Bob sounded confused again.  “What’s wrong with that?”

Jill came out with a half-hearted chuckle now, but she still sounded a little aggravated, “I gave up coffee for my New Year resolution.  Caffeine has been giving me heart palpitations.  I guess it’s because of my age (She couldn’t have been more than forty.); I gave up coffee because of it.”

“Maybe he didn’t know,” Bob offered.

“Oh, he knew,” Jill said.  “He even said, ‘I know you don’t drink coffee anymore but I though you would like this.’”

Bob interjected, “Maybe he wanted to drink it himself.  Does he like ‘Newman’s Own’?”

“No,” she answered.  “He rarely drinks coffee at all.”

Bob tried again, “Well, it’s the thought that counts.  Maybe he was thinking…”

Jill interrupted, irritated, “I don’t know WHAT he was thinking.  I’m not sure he even WAS thinking.”

——————————————

At this point, I found myself wondering what SHE was thinking.  I mean, she was on the radio, for crying out loud.  Odds are pretty good that some of her friends, some of his friends, or even her husband himself was listening to the broadcast, and here she was holding him up to ridicule by complaining about the gift he had bought her.  Either way, there’s a good chance her husband was going to find out about what she said.

Now, I’m not saying Jill represents all women, anymore than her husband represents all men, but I will go so far as to say Jill represents a certain TYPE of woman, one that frustrates their husbands a LOT.

Now, Annie is not perfect, although she is way closer to it than I am, but I’ll tell you what I think she would have done in the same situation.

For one thing, Annie knows that it’s probably not drinking a cup of coffee that is causing Jill’s heart palpitations; it’s more likely from drinking SEVERAL cups of coffee…FREQUENTLY.

For another thing, Annie would NOT have asked to open one of her presents a week early.  Also, she would have been well aware that I make mistakes now and then.  In a similar situation, it would be entirely possible that it had completely slipped my mind that she had given up coffee for the New Year. 

No, but when she did open the package, Annie would have probably said, “Don’t worry; the kids will love this when they come over for a visit.”  She might have even stretched the truth a bit and added, “Some are coming over this weekend and I was going to have to buy some more coffee before they come over anyway.  Thanks for saving me the trouble.”

Besides all that, there’s also another possibility.

——————————————

Jill and Bob went to commercial and, when they came back, they introduced a caller.

“Betty, thanks for calling,” Bob said.  “You told the receptionist that you had an interesting story for us.”

“Oh, yes,” the caller chuckled.  “This was when my husband and I were still dating.  My birthday came around and I was hoping for an engagement ring.”

Jill interrupted, “Did he know that?”

“Oh, yeah,” answered Betty.  “He had been talking to my friends.”

She went on, “So my birthday came around and he walked into the room with a little gift-wrapped package in his hand…about the size a ring would come in.

“He handed it to me and I started crying.

“As I started unwrapping it, he said, ‘Happy Birthday!  I know you can use this.’

“But when I opened it, it was a tire-pressure gauge.  You know, for checking the air pressure in your car tires.

“I was crying even more but now I was NOT happy.”

Jill said, “I would have been crying too!”

——————————————

Betty went on, “Then he held out a bigger present.  It was big and heavy enough that I thought, ‘This better not be a tire pump.’”

Jill and Bob laughed.  They knew how much trouble Betty’s boyfriend was in.

Betty said, “I opened the box and there was a smaller box taped under the lid…an engagement ring.  We’ve been married now for 18 years.”

Jill and Bob agreed that Betty’s then boyfriend had been pretty smart.

——————————————

Well, Betty’s boyfriend might have been smart, but I for one, am sure glad I’m not married to either Jill or Betty.

Betty, like Jill, seem to fall into the category of women who expect men to make them happy and, more than that, to know, without being told, what it will take to make them happy.  A lot of the romantic movies on TV these days mislead people into believing that.

Annie and I have been married almost 40 years now, and there are a whole lot of reasons for that.  One of those reasons is that neither of us expects the other to make them happy.  Another is that we each do expect the other to try NOT to make them UN-happy. 

See that key word, “try”?

We’ve gotten to know each other pretty well over the last four decades, and yet we still struggle to read each other’s minds.  She’s better at reading mine than vice versa, but even she is not up to 100% yet.

Another thing we’ve learned over the years is that it’s best to be open with each other and to keep the lines of communication open.  Thus it is that I typically ASK Annie what she wants, rather than try to surprise her.

Yes, we do still surprise each other now and then, but most often with little things…like an unexpected ice cream bar.  The bigger things are usually discussed and decisions made accordingly.

Annie’s birthday is next week and I’ve already been asking her what she wants.  She hasn’t told me yet, but I’m sure she will.

At Christmas, when she told me she wanted a new heavy-duty yard and garden wagon, I bought it for her.  I think she was happy with it.

Anyway, she’s still been letting me sleep indoors, so I’m pretty sure I’m OK.  

——————————————

Annie, happy birthday to the most awesome woman I’ve ever known.  Also, happy Valentine’s Day.  I know you gave up sweets for New Year’s so I won’t buy you any candy.

How about a tire gauge?

——————————————

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE AT THE UPPER RIGHT. IT’S FREE!

You will ONLY receive notifications when I post new entries to my blog.

Go to the top of the right hand column where it says, “SUBSCRIBE TO BLOG VIA EMAIL”.  Fill in your email and hit the “Subscribe” button.  You will receive a verification email.  Please confirm that you want to subscribe by clicking, “Confirm Follow” and you will be set!  Thanks!

It doesn’t seem to work from a cell phone, only a computer.  I don’t know why.  Sorry.  If there’s a problem, send me your email address and I’ll sign you up.

——————————————