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Along Came Joe

They were in love from the moment they met, and everyone knew it.  People who saw the couple sometimes made comments like, “Don’t they look like the perfect pair?” or, “It’s unreal what a perfect couple they are.”  It seemed like they would be together forever.  Had to be.

But then, along came Joe.

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Her name was Barbara Millicent Roberts. She came to Malden around 1959.  I don’t remember the first time I saw her but it must have been around 1962 or ’63.  They were already a couple when I met them. 

His name was Kenneth Sean Carson.  The two were made for each other.  Rumor was, from the moment he came around, they were inseparable.

The couple had a storybook relationship.  They were active in all kinds of sports and other activities.  On any given day they might be found cruising around in one of their cars, usually a convertible with the top down.  They might go roller skating or dancing, and were often seen shopping together.

As two healthy young people, they were often on the go.  They took breaks from swimming by lying outside to catch some rays, and they always had beautiful tans.  Their clothes fit just right, with no sagging, yet nothing too tight…like they had been custom made just for them…which, I suppose, they had.

They seemed like the perfect couple…one that would be together forever.

But then, along came Joe.

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When Joe came to town in 1964 he opened a lot of eyes.  He was a war hero with the scars to prove it.  The one on his face actually seemed to accent his rugged good looks.  His muscular physique was matched by that handsome face.  From what I gathered he had been involved in just about major action the U.S. military undertook.  People said he was so military-minded through-and-through that his hands were made to fit a gun.

He drove an army surplus jeep and it wasn’t long until Barbara was seen sitting in the passenger seat, with Joe behind the wheel.  They would maneuver the four-wheel-drive over hills, through deep sand, sometimes fording creeks and flooded roads.  Now and then he would take Barbara out shooting but she wasn’t made for that kind of thing.  She was more at home in fashionable clothes and fine jewelry.

Still, Barbara couldn’t seem to get enough of the new guy.  Maybe it was the “good girls love bad boys” syndrome.

Everyone noticed, especially Kenneth.  The pair seemed to have drifted apart and in early 2004, the long-time couple announced that they felt, “it’s time to spend some quality time… apart.”

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Some said the split was inevitable, as Kenneth’s lifestyle and mannerisms had softened considerably.  Even though he had never been ultra-macho, he became even less-so.  For a little while in the nineties, he sported an earring and clothing associated with the West Coast culture.  It would have gone unnoticed in many parts of the country, but in ultra-conservative Malden it was more a topic of speculation than perhaps it should have been.  Some of our cruder friends said that Kenneth didn’t have the man-parts required to keep Barbara’s interest.

Let’s just say that the announced split didn’t come as a big surprise to many of us.

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Where Kenneth grew more effeminate, Joe accentuated his masculinity.  He hung around with his “troops” more and more and spent less and less time with Barbara. 

As her displeasure with Joe’s lifestyle grew, she found comfort with Kenneth and, she came to realize that they had more in common than she and rough-and-tough-guy Joe.

Kenneth and Barbara spent more and more time together and Joe played a shrinking role in her life.  The renewed relationship between Kenneth and Barbara must have had a positive effect on them both, as people say that they seem ageless now, looking nothing like a couple who have been in an off-and-on love affair since the early 60s.

Conversely, Joe doesn’t look like the old Joe.  He seems to be a smaller version of himself.

Thus, many felt it was the logical step when Kenneth and Barbara announced that they were officially a couple again on Valentine’s Day, 2011.

I guess it just makes sense.  Everybody has always thought Ken and Barbie were meant to be a couple, and G.I. Joe was just a tough, loveless old war horse.

At least they seemed that way to me.

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Mom and Dad gave my sister, Chickie, and me Barbie and Ken dolls in the early sixties.  As soon as G.I. Joe showed up around the middle of that decade, Ken became yesterday’s news to me.  When I had the idea for this post, I found that Mattel had actually announced that Barbie and Ken had split up early in this century, but, by then, it really didn’t matter to me.

After I’d stopped playing with my G.I. Joe action figures, and by the time my sons were interested, the Hasbro company had downsized their new Joes from their original 12-inch height to under four inches: the incredible shrinking soldier.

He just wasn’t the man he used to be.

Doing my research for this post I found that Mattel had announced the “re-couple-i-zation” of Barbie and Ken in 2011.  It just made sense.  But now you know the role G.I. Joe played in the sixty-year love affair between Barbie and Ken, the couple who really were made for each other.

Well, at least it was that way in our household.

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