The Good, the Great, and Gumbo Too

The miles and hours ticked away with Annie’s steady hand on the wheel.  We drove out of Missouri, curved through Arkansas, crossed the Big Muddy into Tennessee, and cruised down into Mississippi.  The flat highways of the south rolled up in front of us, then faded away behind as the morning hours dwindled.  We pulled off the highway at Winona, Mississippi and curved around the frontage road past three giant crosses and into the parking lot of a hotel where we were to meet our grandson, Richard, his momma and her parents.

We were picking up Richard to take him to his father’s wedding.

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Our son, Bobby, was a single father in his second enlistment in the army when his health issues from his first tour (during the war in Iraq and Afghanistan) began to affect him more and more.  He sought help from the army and they sent him to various doctors.

It became obvious that his health issues were compromising his ability to be the kind of soldier the army could use.  Because the service was responsible for his physical deterioration, he was provided access to the best doctors they could provide.

Bobby received the sad news that he would be medically discharged.  Still, the doctors’ visits continued.

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Marlaina Hall was the single mother of a three-year-old boy – happy and energetic Logan.  Thanks to a strong support system centered around her parents her life wasn’t difficult, but there was something missing deep within her.

Marlaina was working reception for a doctor and, day after day, saw soldiers coming through from nearby Fort Polk, Louisiana.  Many of them were struggling with service-related medical issues.  A lot of them were unhappy and, as a result, unpleasant to deal with.

One day, a different kind of soldier walked in the door.

Bobby was having medical issues as bad as, or worse than, many of the others who came through her office, but he had a friendly, open personality that she found interesting.  The two talked about life, their sons, the things they liked to do, their beliefs, and lots of other things.

Then they parted company.

It could have ended there but both were impressed enough with each other that the inevitable happened.  They met again, went on a date, then another, then another…and now they were getting married.

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We drove past beautiful, waxy-leafed magnolia trees that would cloak themselves in their huge, white flowers in a few more weeks.  The spiky fans of palmettos waved at us from fencerows and the edges of woods.  Ducks paddled happily on the surface of ponds and swamps.  Here and there we saw flocks of white egrets striding stiff-legged through the shallows.

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Annie, Richard, and I climbed out of the car in the parking lot of the First Pentecostal Church of Leesville, Louisiana where we were met by our youngest son, Patrick, and his lovely wife, Christa.  They had come down for the wedding too.  I was a little surprised that Bobby didn’t meet us in the lot, but instead directed us to the side entrance. 

Oh, but when we stepped inside that side entrance we were met with a reception befitting visiting dignitaries.  First Bobby grabbed up his son like only a father who hasn’t seen his boy in a while can do.  Then he introduced us to the girl who would soon be his wife, along with our soon-to-be grandson, Logan, and Marlaina’s parents, Tim and Brenda Hall.

From that moment on we were among family.

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The Halls and their kin went about their business, readying the church hall for the practice dinner and reception, filtering by from time to time to tell us how much they loved our son and what a difference he had made to Marlaina and Logan.

After the practice they served us a meal worthy of praise.  It was simple, absolutely mouth-watering food, including Cajun and other delights from the land of Dixie.  It was southern hospitality done right.  I had an idea that these people were genuinely good people, and I knew I liked them, but the best was yet to come.

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Those who know Bobby will understand why the wedding had a Renaissance theme, which some people might find odd and maybe even worthy of disdain, but the Hall family took it all in stride.  They were taking Bobby to heart, quirks, foibles, and all.  They were seeing beyond the fact that he doesn’t think like your average man-on-the-street.  They were seeing into the heart of a man who would love their Marlaina and Logan and take them into his life…for better or worse.

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The next day, the ceremony went off as it should…as expected…as they usually do.  Everything was pretty normal…until IT happened.

The pastor was a friendly, happy man of God who performed his duty with appropriate enthusiasm.  He conducted the ceremony and everything went as expected, until…

The preacher asked the inevitable, “Who gives this woman…?”

There was a moment’s pause when everyone waited for Marlaina’s father to say, “Her mother and I,” but he didn’t, at least not at first.  Then a woman’s voice from behind him said, “I do!”  Then another voice, “I do!” and a rolling chorus of, “I do!” as probably every member of Marlaina’s family joined in their loud, clear approval of the union.

The pastor laughed at their proclamation, and laughter spread through the room so that I doubt many heard when Annie and I said, “We’ll TAKE her!”

Yes, we were among family, and they were so much like us. 

SO much like us…

…and it was good.

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The couple shared some of the most beautiful, heartfelt vows I’ve ever heard, and the wedding was over before we knew it.  Patrick and Christa left for responsibilities that called them home.

Annie and I were in the parking lot, getting ready to leave the church for our hotel.  We would leave the following morning to take Richard back to his momma and grandparents, then head for our home.  We were sad to leave our son and new daughter-in-law and new grandson, especially since Logan, while not at all unfriendly to us, hadn’t really acknowledged us as more than just “some people.”  That’s to be expected from a three-year-old, but as new grandparents we had hoped for more.

We loaded Richard into his car seat after he said goodbye to his dad and new-family.  I hugged Marlaina, then, on a whim, turned toward Logan.  I held out my fist and said, “Fist bump, Logan?”  The little man, my new grandson, stepped forward and bumped knuckles with me for the first time.  “Get a video, Annie, get a video!” I said and held out my fist again.  Logan moved forward and grabbed my fist for a split second with a smile as broad as, well, as broad as I would have wanted it to be.

After she got the video I’d asked for, Annie lowered the phone and I decided to press my luck.  “Give Pa a bye hug, Logan?”

The little man didn’t hesitate, but stepped forward again and wrapped his arms around my knees.  After he disentangled himself from my legs I told him I loved him and got into the van.

We waved goodbye to our son and our two precious brand-new family members, pulled out onto the road, and turned north.

We drove toward Missouri, but a piece of our hearts stayed behind in Louisiana.

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As I said above, Bobby and Marlaina wrote their own, heartfelt vows to each other.  They have agreed to let me share them with you.

Since Bobby said his first, I’ll let him start off first in my blog.

“Marlaina, I love you.  We’ve been told that the Lord works in mysterious ways. I didn’t appreciate that as much as the day that I crossed paths with you. I was alone and hurt, staring off into an uncertain future, hope as distant as moon and stars. Then one day a blonde haired blue-eyed receptionist in a peacock scarf laughed at one of my jokes. We never met each other before then, yet we cut up like old friends, and even after we found out that we were both single parents we just kept on talking. Unfortunately my insecurities got the better of me and I walked out without so much as asking for your phone number.  For over a week all I could think about was, ‘What if she said yes?  I guess we’ll never know.’  Well, by God’s grace we got a second chance. I had no idea if you’d be there or if you felt the same; all I knew was I had to try. Blessings abound, there you were.  Once again we laughed and talked like old friends.  You even had me sit right in front of your desk just so we could talk. Not wanting to draw too much attention I mustered up my courage and passed you a note and said ‘Call me.’ 

“You didn’t keep me waiting long. 

“Your family and friends all love you. If I knew nothing else about you, that would be enough, but you also laugh at my stupid jokes; you quote Star Wars to cheer me up; and you swoon anytime someone makes a Damascus blade on Forged in Fire.

“You also show your compassion by driving out of your way just to bring me a decent meal when I’m stuck on a 24 hour detail. You look at my son Richard as if he was Logan’s long-lost older brother and with the same love and steadfast dedication. And no matter what, you always find time for God every Wednesday night and twice on Sunday.

“By the way ‘Have I told you today how amazing you are?’

“Long ago you were just a dream and a prayer. This day, like a dream come true, the Lord Himself has answered that prayer. For today, Marlaina, you, as my joy, become my crown.  I thank Jesus for the honor of going through the time with you.  Thank you for being what you are to me.  With our future as bright as the promises of God, I will care for you, honor and protect you. I lay down my life for you, Marlaina, my friend, my love, my moon and stars. Today I give me to you.”

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Marlaina smiled as she worked up her courage to open her heart to those of us in attendance.

She looked into Bobby’s eyes and began.

“Robert,

“We have been married in our hearts since that first date. But today we make it public to God and our families that we are bound to each other as long as we live righteous and good in the sight or God.

“When I first heard you speak, you immediately made me laugh and I didn’t stop laughing until you left the room. That talent follows you anywhere you go and it spreads joy. You became my best friend and I wanted you for life. You were an answered prayer that left me speechless. Our first date was so perfect. I didn’t want you to leave. You make my life so much easier and full of joy. You accepted Logan as your own the day you met him. We were a broken family and you made us whole. You may never truly know the impact you have had on us but I will spend the rest of my life showing you.

“I Marlaina, take thee Robert to be my husband.  In spirit and in truth.  In body and in mind.

“I vow first to respect and trust you as a man, as my husband and as the head of the house.

“I vow to lift you up in my prayers and seek Godly counsel with you.

“I vow to respect your ideas, your goals and interests as I do my own…to encourage you to follow your heart…to support your decisions.

“I vow to communicate with you in all things so there may never be confusion between us.

“I vow to be a help meet to you in good times and bad…to shoulder our responsibilities and challenges as your partner.

“And finally, I vow that I love you with all my heart and I couldn’t ask God for a better man to love us and to lead us as a family.”

Annie held tightly to my hand.  I knew what she was thinking.  She and I said our vows so many years ago.  Annie knew, if Bobby and Marlaina remember their vows and stand firm in living by their words…they’ll be OK.  Life has a way of being difficult but, if two people stand together, with their eyes on God, and for each other and through each other…they’ll be OK, and life will be good.

Oh, yes, it will be good.

Marlaina and Logan.  We welcome you into our family and into our hearts.  You, Bobby, Richard, and Logan are loved and, more than that, you are now a part of us.

Welcome to the Matthews family.

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