Congrats Grad!

Driving to and from work over the last few weeks I’ve seen sign after sign congratulating the class of 2020 for earning their diplomas. 

A few days ago, I was talking to some of the teenage boys at the facility where I work and realized how much kids today have missed.

Think about it.

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Kids who just graduated have never heard of Chernobyl or Three Mile Island.

They have never used a rotary phone…and they certainly don’t know what the dial was for.

They’ve never asked for directory assistance or a long-distance operator.

They’ve never used a telephone with a cord on it.

They’ve never heard a busy signal or a dial tone.

They’ve never known a time when they couldn’t take pictures with their telephones, or watch movies, or connect with the internet.

They have never heard of roaming charges.

They could not identify the sound of a dial-up modem trying to connect if they heard it.

They won’t take a walk without taking along something electronic.

Like teenagers throughout history, they feel the need to “hang-out” with other teenagers.  Unlike many older generations of teenagers, 2020 grads have developed an amazing ability.  They can get together as a group and totally ignore each other, because each individual is totally engrossed in whatever he or she is doing on their cell phone…for hours on end.

They probably couldn’t tell you what light pollution is, yet they have never stood outside at night and seen the billions and billions of stars in the sky.

They’ve probably never been out of hearing distance of some kind of motor vehicle or other human-made noise.

They’ve never ridden in a car without seatbelts.

They’ve never bought gas for less than $1.00 a gallon and never seen a full-service gas station.

They would be totally flummoxed if someone asked them the question, “Regular or ethyl?”

They have no idea what flummoxed means.

They’ve never lived in a world without the threat of aids.

They don’t know what that little round scar is on older people’s arms.

They’ve never heard of smallpox or polio, and were never forbidden to play with a friend because he/she was contagious with chicken pox, measles, or mumps.  And they certainly wouldn’t understand that some parents used to send their kids to play with a friend who had those diseases just to get it over with.

They watch MTV but have no idea what MTV stands for…or remembers when MTV played only music videos.

They’ve never known a time when cursing wasn’t allowed on television.

They’ve never lived in a house with a black and white television…or only one television.

They’ve never seen a television that received less than 100 channels and wouldn’t believe you if you told them you remember when you could tune in only two stations…and every house had a TV antenna on the roof but not a dish…and nobody had cable.

They would think you are joking if you said you used to have rabbit ears sitting on top of your television…and those rabbit ears had aluminum foil and/or a wire clothes hanger stuck to them.

They’ve never watched a television with a 14-inch screen.

They don’t know why we call it a flat-screen television because they’ve never seen a TV that was more than five-inches thick.

They won’t believe that we never had to search for the tv remote, because we were the tv remote.

They’ve never seen a television that had dials and have never heard of horizontal hold, or vertical…or UHF.

They don’t know that TV channels used to go off at night, and they don’t know what a test-pattern is.

They have never seen, or heard, a TV screen that said, “We are temporarily experiencing technical difficulties.  We are sorry for the inconvenience.  Please stand by.”

They have no idea what comes after, “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.”

They never lived in the same world with George Carlin, or John Wayne, or Elvis Presley.  They never lived in a time when they could hope for a Beetles reunion.  They were born too late to marvel at the beauty of Princess Di or Princess Grace. 

They don’t know that Princess Di was her nickname.

They’ve never worried about Y2K.

They know what a slideshow is, but not what an actual slide looks like…or a slide projector.  Don’t bother asking them about a slide carousel.

They’ve never known a time when a radio was the centerpiece of every living room.

They can tell you all about Wi-Fi but don’t know what Hi-Fi means.

They have no idea what a cassette tape is, much less an 8-track.

They may have seen or at least heard of a record player, but don’t know why we taped a coin to the end of the tone arm, on the top of the cartridge that held the needle…or what I just said.

They’ve never thought of, “Go to your room,” as a punishment.  They have more fun things in their rooms than we had in the whole house…maybe the neighborhood.

They’ve never known a time without pocket calculators, and don’t understand why I just included the word “pocket”.

They’ve never used an adding machine and can’t fathom why we pulled the handle down after we typed in the numbers.

They’ve never had a telephone without a calculator app.

Is it any coincidence that most don’t know the multiplication table?

They’ve never heard of arithmetic.

They’ve never had a class on penmanship, and don’t understand why old people tell them, “Spelling matters.”

They have no idea what a mimeograph machine was, or an overhead projector, or a filmstrip.

They don’t understand the mnemonic, “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” because they were four-years-old when scientists told us that Pluto was not a planet.

They may use the word “videotape,” but have no idea why we call it that when there is no tape involved.

Of course, they don’t know what a VHS tape was, and certainly never heard of Betamax…or a video laser disc.

Most have never been to a video rental store.

They have probably been to a movie theater many times, but have no idea what a double feature is, or a matinee…and they’ve probably never paid less than $1 to get in. 

Heck, they probably never paid less than $5.

They’ve never lived more than a short walk from a McDonald’s…but they’ve probably never walked to it.

They wouldn’t understand that we used to count ourselves lucky if we got to eat out once a week, ate ice cream once a week, or drank one soda a week…which you shared with the rest of the family.

They’ve always lived in a U.S. where more Americans are obese (40%) than hungry (14%).

They’ve never lived in a country where obesity wasn’t considered a national crisis. 

They’ve never walked more than a mile to buy a piece of candy…and probably wouldn’t, because they’ve always had snacks readily available in their homes…and were allowed free access.

They eat almost half-a-pound of sugar each and every day of the year.  About a century ago, the average American ate less than one ounce per day.

They have never played lawn darts with actual giant darts.

They’ve never eaten anything cooked in an “Easy Bake Oven”.

They’ve never played jacks, or kick the can, or yelled, “Ollie ollie oxen free!”

They’ve never spent 90% of every daylight hour during their summer vacation outside…or lived in a house without air-conditioning.

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I’m sure you are either feeling very, very old right now or feeling sorry for today’s kids for missing out on so many of the wonderful thing you enjoyed.

Yeah, me too…both.

But I hope you also took note of how technology has improved our lives.  The newest group of grads don’t remember when being diagnosed with cancer was almost certainly a death sentence, or when contracting aids meant your life would soon be over.  They never had to worry about being broke down on the side of the road and having to wait until someone stopped to help them or offer them a ride to the nearest telephone…or walk for help.  Most don’t ever have to worry about going hungry or being bored…although they will complain of both.

You have to look at the good as well as the bad.

Let me end this post by saying, “Congratulations, graduating class of 2020!”  I wouldn’t trade places with you for anything…unless I could be as young as you are but know what I do now.

Then…absolutely.

Oh yeah. 

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