You Want Flies with That?

 

In mid-June, 2012 Dave Alexander’s daughter stopped off at the neighborhood McDonald’s to pick up a meal for her dad.  She requested a plain cheeseburger and a small order of French fries.

Since she’d ordered them for her dad you figure she asked for them to go.  The only problem is, well, they didn’t go.

For six years they didn’t go.

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Most of us grab a burger and fries when we are in a hurry and the food doesn’t last any longer than it takes to get back on the road, unwrap them, and scarf them down, but not Dave.  Nope, the Ontario, Canada farmer put the bag of fast food on a speaker cabinet in his office…and left them there…

Most of us grab a burger and fries when we are in a hurry and the food doesn’t last any longer than it takes to get back on the road, unwrap them, and scarf them down, but not Dave.  Nope, the Ontario, Canada farmer put the bag of fast food on a speaker cabinet in his office…and left them there…for 2,190 days.

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“I had heard rumors about these things not going bad,” Dave Alexander told a reporter for 980 CFPL radio. “We live on a farm, and things that we grow here go bad regularly and I thought it was an urban legend.”

Now many of us have heard the myth that Hostess Twinkies will remain edible until the apocalypse (Well, at least as edible as they are when new.) but, apparently, there is a similar urban legend about McDonald’s specialties.

So Alexander left the burger and fries sitting on the speaker cabinet and kept an eye on them for the next six years.  According to him, after 72 long months, they still looked pretty much like they had at the beginning.

Dave said, “The fries are stunningly good looking. The fries look like they were purchased this morning.  The burger itself has darkened a little bit. The bun is about as hard as a hockey puck, but it looks just like it’s brand new cosmetically.”

I don’t know how long he originally planned for the experiment to go on but after six years, Alexander and his wife were trying to clear out some of their clutter when their eyes fell on the primeval value meal.

“Now we’re downsizing and I thought, ‘I’m not taking this cheeseburger with me!’”

So the experiment came to an end.  For it to be considered complete, though, at some point someone should have eaten the antique burger and elderly ‘taters.  The thought of firing down a burger that has been in the family long enough to graduate kindergarten doesn’t appeal to me, but like I said, to finish the experiment…

Luckily for Alexander, he came up with another idea, and it included a profit motive.  He listed the historic Happy Meal on eBay for a starting bid of $29.  He chose that amount so he would at least bring in enough cash to pay shipping in case somebody in, say, Bombay, saw it as a potential Christmas gift for that friend who has everything.

So Dave put it up for sale on the online auction with the explanation:

“This is an ORIGINAL, plain McDonald’s Cheeseburger and Fries MADE & PURCHASED JUNE 7, 2012

“ORIGINAL OWNER – Never eaten.

“This burger & fries has been sitting on a shelf for over 6 years!  The fries are in incredible shape. The Cheeseburger is plain with no toppings at all, just the bun, meat patty and slice of cheese.

“Please keep in mind, that there is 6 years of dust involved here, but most of it has been removed.

“ORIGINAL WRAPPERS ON BOTH!

“The shelf that the burger was sitting on has been sold and now this incredible piece of history now needs to be re-homed.

“Why not do your part to help to further scientific research and history and buy this burger.  You too can witness the majesty of the Cheeseburger & Fries that just won’t die.

“Go ahead…. Name the Burger!  Make it part of your family!  It will grow old right along with you. (However, I do believe that it will out last you)

“This is no joke.

“This is a legitimate, very real McDonald’s Cheeseburger & Fries that we bought in London, Ontario Canada on June 7, 2012”

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I think $29 might be a bit overpriced for a burger and fries from the Obama administration, but I could be wrong. In only six bids, faster than you can flip a burger, bidding on the Bedrock Burger and Flintstone fries had reached $150.  Dave even got messages from people asking about the edibility of the former fast food (C’mon, after 252 weeks it can’t really be called “fast” food anymore, can it?).

Alexander said, “And I have had questions that people are asking if this is edible. I would highly recommend not. This thing looks perfectly edible but it’s been sitting in the dust for six years so don’t, don’t eat this thing!”

Yeah, THATs the reason you wouldn’t want to eat it, because it’s got some dust on it.

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Oh, and don’t worry; bugs have steered clear of the burger too.

“We live in the country and we’ve never seen a fly land on it. Ever,” he said.

I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about the edibility, even when they were brand new.

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Dave was only part way through with the planned run for his ad when he was contacted by eBay.  They had pulled the auction for violating their food policy, which states any food sold must have a “clearly marked expiration or use-by date”

“We’re just stunned,” Alexander explained. “I can’t fathom what these people are thinking.  A six-year-old cheeseburger? You’ve got to be kidding me that it needs an expiry date.”

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So the auction is off.  I don’t know what Dave did with the prehistoric burger and fries after that but, come to think about it, when we started cleaning out the house Mom lived in for 50 plus years, way in the back of one cabinet we found the perfect bottle of ketchup to go with those fries.

At least I think it was ketchup.

 

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(below) This is the burger and fries that Dave Alexander’s daughter picked up at a McDonald’s in 2012.  It doesn’t look quite as good as his ad on eBay makes it sound but, hey, it’s advertising.  I still don’t think it’s worth $150.  Do you?