Pitchin’ a Fit

 

Annie and I visited friends one time when our oldest son, Scotty, was toddler-aged…maybe three.  He was so proud of his new cowboy boots that he couldn’t wait to show them off to his buddy.  The two same-age boys ran and played and laughed and just generally had a great time.  Until they got tired, that is.

The friend led the way.  I don’t know what set him off.  Maybe Scotty didn’t play the way the other boy wanted him to or maybe Scotty didn’t do anything.  Whatever it was, the other youngster went ballistic, kicking and screaming and jumping up and down.

Our friends and we were still fairly new parents so we weren’t sure what to do.  How do you handle a toddler with a temper tantrum?

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do as a parent is…nothing.

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A few weeks ago I ran across a story on the internet and the accompanying video about a young dad named Terrell Rico Relz Crawford.  He was visiting an Ohio Wal-Mart when his 3-year-old daughter, Ari, erupted in the dreaded, full-blown public meltdown.

Terrell stayed calm and took Ari out to the parking lot, where he sat her on the car hood and let her cry.  Somewhere along the line, he started recording the situation on his cell phone.

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As I tuned in, I heard Dad ask, “You done?  You sound like you’re still whining to me.   You gonna listen in the store?  You gonna stop whining?  You gonna stop screaming?”

Terrell didn’t lose his cool like so many dads would have, and like I admit I did (maybe just a time or two).  He explained to the little girl, “I’m not taking you back into Wal-Mart until you stop with your mess.  If we go back in the store and you do it again, we’re coming back out here to sit down.”

While he is teaching little Ari how to handle frustration, he takes the opportunity to make a point with other parents.  He looks at the camera and says, “See?  When you spoil the h–l out of your kids, this is what happens.”  He continues, “I don’t care if you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth.  Do not put one in your child’s mouth because this is what happens.”

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Little Ari is the only girl in a family of four siblings, and her dad admits to pampering her at times.  But he points out that pampering her now and then does not mean he’s spoiling her.  He gives his kids what they need and deserve, but tries to never give them anything just to shut them up.

Rather, when they act up, he tries to simply bore them.  He’ll remove the young’un from an area where they can be distracted by toys or other people, and take them somewhere that that they will be bored…thus the car hood out in the parking lot.

He later expounded, “Not each occasion calls for a whooping or yelling.  It does more harm than help and leaves long term effects.”

He points out that setting a good example of how to deal with adversity can be the best lesson we can give our little ones.  “If they don’t learn by you teaching them, who are they going to learn by?  It takes patience to build patience.  It’s something you have to go through to get through.”

By the end of the video, Ari is quickly recovering.  I think she learned from the experience and I hope a lot of parents did too.

I admit, I did, and I’d vote for Terrell for “Father of the Year.”

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When Annie and I got home with young Scotty after the temper tantrum episode at our friends’ house, Scotty was getting tired.  Most of our other kids would have taken a nap on our way home from the visit.  Not Scotty.  Our first son rarely ever took a nap.  But that doesn’t mean he never got tired…or fussy.  And when he got tired AND fussy they combined to produce the perfect storm.

Like that time.  Scotty threw his first ever tantrum.

Although our boys would argue that we spanked them ALL the time, we didn’t.  We tried to be judicious with reasons for spanking one of the boys.  This was not one of those times.

Scotty was standing on the floor in front of me stomping his feet, screaming, and flailing his arms.

This was before we had all six boys.  At the time we only had a toddler and a diaper baby named J.B.  In other words, we could afford to be patient.

I sat on the chair near where Scotty was “performing” and asked what he wanted.  I don’t remember his response but really think he didn’t even know what he wanted.  He just…wasn’t…happy.

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“Is what you’re doing helping?” I asked.

His answer was something like, “Waa-a-a-a!”

“Well, if you’re going to do it, you might as well really get into it.”  I suggested, “Why don’t you lie down on the floor?  You can really kick your feet then.”

He did and his kicking feet echoed in the crawlspace under the house.

“You’re going to tear up your new boots.  Why don’t you take them off?”  He removed the precious footwear.  The echoing under the house grew quickly quieter…then stopped.

“Hmmm,” I offered.  “Did that tantrum help you get what you wanted?”

I can’t tell you if it was my superior parenting skills or my sons above average intelligence, but that was the last full-blown tantrum he ever threw.  Ever.

I’m still waiting for my “World’s Greatest Dad” coffee cup.

 

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(above) Terrell Rico Relz Crawford explains how and why he handled his 3-year-old daughter, Ari, the way he did when she threw a tantrum.  WARNING!  Some may find a few of his words distasteful.